Looking back to the beginning of my fibro tale. I don’t believe pharmacy was necessarily the wrong choice for me at the time.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last two years it’s that no two single Fibro–tales are exactly the same. No two sets of triggers are exactly the same.
I had tumbled a little too far into the abyss and was dangling by a thread above the danger zone. So, I decided on the shortcut, quicker results to bring me back from the brink, both physically and mentally.
For this reason, I filled the first prescription. Which turned out to be the first of many more to come. As one might expect given the circumstances, I needed to get “a little bit well” to tackle life head-on again. So, I decided I would deal with the consequences later.
I don’t regret my choice otherwise, I believe without medicine and the support of my amazing Doctor I might not be here today sharing my Fibro–Tale with you.
After overcoming some uhhhhh shall we call them setbacks? A few months ago I finally decided it was time to start putting some of what I’ve learned about the many faces of my fibromyalgia to use. Now that the urgent stuff had been taken care of, time to try some new things.
I have decided to test the waters at decreasing the number of medications I am taking and to introduce some non-pharmaceutical healing “practices” into my life.
Why? I have finally reached acceptance. Two years into the fibro tale that is now my life, I am at last ready to meet the new me.
Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue are often associated with toxic overload and therefore, finding ways to reduce the toxins in our bodies are crucial to good health. Dry Body Brushing is a great addition to your daily routine.
Many of us opt for a massage as this helps with our aches and pains. However, what the massage is actually doing is moving and draining lymphatic fluid, getting it to freely circulate around the body. Exercise also has the same effect. However, unless we are very lucky, daily massages are just not an option for most people and we may not be up for exercise every day. Dry Body Brushing is free, quick, and easy, taking just a few minutes every day.
Not only is the skin the largest organ of the body but it is really important for elimination and detoxification. The lymph is responsible for helping to remove toxins from the body and the skin accounts for the removal of about one-third of your body’s toxins.
Often when our body is toxic, this in most cases is reflected on our skin in varying degrees ranging from dry and lackluster to oily and acne. Whilst nutrients are delivered to other areas of the body first before the skin, it is the skin that is the first organ to show signs of dis-ease. Toxic overload can also leave us lacking in energy and suffering from digestive issues.
• Increasing circulation which in some cases has improved cellulite. • Sheds dry skin cells which encourage new cell renewal which ultimately results in brighter skin. • Releases toxins through the improvement of lymphatic drainage. • Stimulates the nerve endings which just feels great. • Helps to eliminate clogged pores and therefore assists absorption of nutrients. • Helps digestion. • Tone the muscles.
• For best results, use a natural bristle brush. • Always brush on dry skin before a shower. • Work in circular, brisk, upward motions always towards the heart and in the direction of the lymphatic flow. • Start at the ankles and work up. • On the back work from the neck, down towards the lower back. • Use circular counter clock-wise strokes on the stomach • Lightly brush over the breasts • Ensure that you never brush over inflamed, sunburnt skin or skin cancer. • Always shower after body brushing to wash away the sloughed-off skin cells. Follow up with a moisturizer.
Annet King, Director of Global Education for The International Dermal Institute says that “body brushing helps to remove stagnant toxins that break down connective tissue leading to the cellulite, however, ultimately there is no conclusive evidence but as a quick fix to plumping the skin, this may be one of the short-lived results of body brushing”.
As with adopting any new regime, it will take time to see results and it is recommended daily brushing for a minimum of 30 days to experience some changes. For a more thorough lymphatic cleansing, you should brush daily for 3 months to see the benefits.
I have never been a huge visitor to Fibromyalgia support forums. However, it has been “eye-opening to say the least to see how opinions have been divided.
In one camp you have those, like me who think that this is great for raising awareness.
People are finally starting to ask questions about this relatively unknown and misunderstood condition. Facebook went into overdrive. Instagram was buzzing and Twitter, well just tweeted. Daytime TV interviewed doctors who gave the low down on Fibromyalgia. One of our regular presenters got a crash course in pronouncing the word as well as learning what the symptoms are. In some respects, it felt better late than never. All of sudden, we are validated. Just sad that it has taken so long and a celebrity suffering to bring Fibromyalgia out in the open. Good on Gaga!!
Sadly, on the other side of the fence, there are those sufferers who are playing the “my Fibromyalgia is worse than yours” game. They have declared open season on Lady Gaga.
They are questioning her motives for going public. Doubting that she could even have the condition given her long and energetic live performances. There have been those that have suggested that she would be better using her wealth by contributing to research. They deem this preferable as opposed to sharing her story. And believe it or not, there are some who are “whining” about her being in hospital. If she can “rest in the hospital, why can’t I?” Really???
I am sure that she can think of better places to rest and recuperate without being admitted to hospital.
The reality of this condition is that nobody is immune, the pain has no regard for celebrity status. Because Fibromyalgia is so different and unique to each individual it is difficult to judge one set of symptoms against another. Fibromyalgia can prove to be more debilitating for some than others. We know that it tends to go hand in hand with so many other conditions such as Chronic Fatigue or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
For those of us with Fibromyalgia and chronic pain, it is important that we extend compassion not just to fellow sufferers but also towards ourselves.
It is imperative that we don’t turn our pain into some sort of competition by judging one another as to who can do what. We should be celebrating our successes and commiserating when the going gets tough. Not putting each other down because somebody had a good day!
I have, in some small part, been on the receiving of those who have doubted the severity of my condition. I have been slated for holding down a full-time job and for not taking medication. All good reasons apparently to question my diagnosis by other Fibromyalgia sufferers.
Therefore, I have to say that I do feel for Lady Gaga. Although never a fan, I admire her honesty and her admission that shows she isn’t the superhuman everybody thought she was. By coming out and talking of her struggle with pain, she has made herself vulnerable to the doubters and naysayers. I am hoping that she also becomes an ambassador and a voice for those who genuinely suffer in silence.
She has the same frailties and struggles as the rest of us who suffer with this condition.
And, yes truth be told, she has more money than most. Without a doubt, she will have access to some of the best doctors and healthcare. However, at the end of the day, her pain and fatigue will be as soul-destroying and debilitating as it is for the rest of us.
As we all do, she will have good and bad days. Sadly, she will have flares and periods of stability. She is now after all a Fibromyalgia Warrior battling with the rest of us. Therefore, she is as deserving of our support as any other brave soul battling chronic pain.
Whatever your thoughts are on the performer, she has brought the word Fibromyalgia into the public domain and that can only be a good thing. I for one, wish her all the love and luck in the world.
This is a great opportunity now to capitalize on her story and build momentum by telling ourstories. If you are feeling brave, why not get in touch with your local press and tell them about your Fibro journey. Post on your Facebook page, start up your own community or share your Fibro days on Instagram.
It is certainly a topical subject at the moment and ultimately, this can only be a good thing in educating people about our condition. It is up to us to get our message out there and highlight how many people are actually battling this condition day in day out, out of the headlines, and away from the cameras.
Be brave, be bold and tell your story – no meaty outfits required!!
Since I began Fibro Warrior, I have often been asked how do I manage to focus on the positives whilst battling Fibromyalgia? The answer to that is what are the alternatives? I guess I have two choices but only one is worth pursuing.
The truth is that there is certainly nothing positive about having a chronic condition. But given that there is currently no cure for Fibromyalgia, then I feel that I must change and adapt. So read on to see how I do just that….
When I was diagnosed in 2000, I had already been struggling with Fibromyalgia for 11 years. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I think in reality those years were the darkest. They were scary in the sense that I feared for my sanity. I knew all was not well but the doctors could find nothing wrong.
It was in the early years that this condition robbed me of so much.
It took my energy, my health, my confidence, and my self-esteem. More tragically, it robbed me of the early years with my baby son, and later in 1997 it put paid to my first marriage. Whatever this was, it was beating me and winning!
Getting my diagnosis was a massive relief and once I got my head around the fact that it was incurable, I was ready to fight. I made the decision there and then, that I was not going to rely on medication and from then on, things started to change.
I had two choices, roll over and let Fibromyalgia throw all that it had at me. Become its victim and allow it to keep robbing me until I had nothing left or I couldn’t fight anymore!!
I didn’t have an army or stash of secret weapons…yet! But, I did have a renewed will to get better. I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I thought I knew what I was up against. It was a start, the battle lines were drawn and I could start and fightback.
Over the years, I read everything I could get my hands on about the condition. I saw a nutritionist, spent a fortune on alternative therapies and acupuncture. Joined a gym and quit, joined another, and quit again. I took supplements, drank Aloe Vera. I used crystals and aromatherapy oils looking for one that one miracle cure. You have been there, right? You know what I am talking about.
Well, I am sure you discovered the same as me. There is no miracle cure. One Nil to Fibromyalgia
As I neared my 50th birthday, there came the realization that with this anniversary there would be another “milestone.” I would have officially battled Fibromyalgia for over half of my life. In all likelihood, I would have to carry on the fight for another 25 years. I knew that there had to be a way of making sure that the Fibro didn’t swallow me up completely. I finally knew that the answer wasn’t going to come in some wonder drug or therapy. It was going to come from within me!!
Yep, Fibromyalgia, I won this one!! I got the answer you tried to keep from me for 25 years – one all
It was almost a revelation that my “healing” as much as it could be, was going to start and end with me. No doctors, no therapists, no medication – just me. I truly believed that I had all the weapons I needed right here in my body. It was just a matter of deciding what I had and how I was going to use it.
Firstly, I knew I needed exercise. I had tried all the usual gym stuff, swimming and walking. Invariably, these made me feel worse and induced a flare. I knew that I had to find something fairly gentle on my body but it had to be effective. So began my journey to the Yoga mat. It was and still is amazing.
Yoga meets you where you are and no two sessions are the same. Positions are adapted to accommodate my Fibro body depending on what I can manage on any given day. I also read up on rebounding (bouncing on a trampoline) and learned that this was beneficial for Fibromyalgia sufferers. So, I bought my rebounder and gradually increased my bounce time from an initial tough 5 minutes to an invigorating and enjoyable half an hour.
I had, over the years dabbled with meditation. This had been born out of my love of all things Tibetan and His Holiness, The Dalai Lama. Therefore it made sense to make a real effort to include meditation in my yoga practice. In addition, I spend the first 10 minutes of every day meditating outside, no matter the weather. (An outdoor gazebo is a triumph).
Meditation works!! It takes me to a place where my breath dominates and my thoughts, feelings, and pain are relegated for a short time while I focus on ME. My personal mantra is “It is all about me, it’s all about now”.
My early morning meditation and yoga sessions set me up for the day. I believe that this sends a message to my Fibromyalgia that I am up, out of bed, and ready to take on my day – strong and determined.
So, that is my body & mind sorted – what else could I arm myself with?
I have always been a strong believer that given the right conditions, the body can heal itself. Never one to embrace a medication, I always know that a headache will eventually go away. A cold or flu will run its course and then disappear without a trace. A cut or a bruise will in time, heal as if by magic. So, my next quest was to explore what my body needed to fight Fibromyalgia every damn day.
I personally believed that the answer would lie in my diet. So, I decided to go right back to the drawing board and carry out a cleanse. I knew that this would give me the opportunity of cutting out large amounts of food, whilst giving my digestion a break. This would then put me in the position of slowly introducing certain foods again and then judging how they impacted my body.
I opted for a 12-day program that required me to cut out all processed food, meat, caffeine, dairy, and sugar. It was tough for a couple of days but then the magic started. I woke in the mornings with no aches and pains (seriously). My energy increased and the constant fatigue which plagued my days was gone. People started to comment on how well I looked and I was even accused of getting Botox because my skin glowed.
I felt so good that at the end of the 12 days, I did another 12. I made the decision then to permanently cut out all caffeine and processed foods from my diet. Also, I opted to leave out the meat and just eat fish.
As time went on, I wanted to learn more about how I could further support my body in its war with Fibromyalgia but I also wanted to pass on what I had learned already. In order to support other sufferers, I decided to sign up to become and Health & Wellness Coach. I then went on to study raw food nutrition. It was learning about what my body needed to function at its optimal. I was giving it a fighting chance against Fibromyalgia.
Now, I need to be clear here and say that I would not consider myself healed. There are times when the pain is too much to bear, the fatigue overwhelming but compared to how I felt in 1989 there is no comparison. I have learned that with the right foods and being gentle with me when I need it, these flares pass and I live to fight another day!
Fibromyalgia may win many of the battles but I am determined it will never, ever win the war!!
When it comes toExplaining Fibromyalgia to Family & Friends, it’s a tough one. It isn’t something that comes easily to them or even to you for that matter. No matter how long you have battled with the condition, the reality is that you will always come up against opposition when you are trying to explain how this “invisible illness” affects you every day.
I have battled Fibromyalgia since 1989 and I still think that there really isn’t one member of my family that just “gets it.” And to be fair, who can blame them. Most of the time, I look absolutely fine – a little tired maybe. I am not rolling around the bed writhing in pain. I don’t have a raging temperature or covered in some unpleasant rash – I am to all intents and purposes ME.
It is for this very reason, that those battling Fibromyalgia often feel incredibly isolated and alone.
Likely, nobody in your immediate circle of family and friends understands what you are having to deal with day in and day out. Sure, you can head off to your local support group or find an online forum. But the reality is, if you are like me you want your family to comprehend your suffering. You want a little compassion and support from your loved ones.
One of the biggest frustrations of Fibromyalgia is trying to explain what it is. How you got it and how you deal with it. At times it feels like trying to explain the unexplainable. Truth be told, we don’t really understand what we are battling. It just appears from nowhere, takes over your life. You are caught up in the merry-go-round of pain and fatigue.
So, what are you to do when you find yourself in this situation?
How do you explain to your family and friends why you are missing out on the social occasion of the year. Why you can’t do Christmas at yours like you used too?
Chances are you can’t. And that isn’t because you are not articulate enough or educated enough on the condition – it is because you are too close to the situation. The likely outcome will be that any in-depth conversation will end up in misunderstanding, frustration, and emotions running high on both sides.
So, what do you do? The answer is you let somebody else do the talking for you. I relied on YouTube to get my message across to my family. It takes away the anxiety and almost makes it less personal when somebody else is recounting their story or sharing the facts. I have a great little video on the site which helps to explain, it is a little robotic but the message is perfect.
This issue can be a huge source of stress and anxiety to all concerned. So, it is, for this reason, I decided to do something positive to help you and your family.
I put together a short course which you can share with your loved ones. It contains some strategies for opening the channels of communication along with a couple of videos. There are also two fairly powerful and thought-provoking letters.
Because I feel so strongly that you should have the support and understanding you so richly deserve, I am gifting this course to you and your family.
It is my sincere hope that sharing this information with your loved ones, it will give both them and you the knowledge to move forward togetherunited.
So, head over there now and unwrap your gift with my love and best wishes.
Fate whispers to the warrior, “you cannot withstand the storm.” And the warrior whispers back “I am the storm.” ~ unknown
I love this “warrior” quote and have referred back to it many times throughout my battles with chronic pain. It is the defiance of answering fate back that most appeals to me. The thought that OK, I have my lot in life but I don’t have to like it or accept it.
So often now, we see titles such as Chronic Pain warrior, Fibromyalgia warrior, Chronic Illness warrior, Spoonie warrior. They are everywhere, often preceded by the # on social media. But what does it really mean to be tagged, warrior? Do you have what it takes to even be a warrior?
For me personally, I often shy away from using the word suffer when referring to my chronic pain journey. I prefer the word battle. My head tells me that this word sends out the message to the universe that I am fighting. Suffering I might be but battling is how I want to be perceived. There are many times when I don’t feel much like a warrior but no matter what life throws at me, I somehow tell myself the fight must go on. The alternatives are too hard to contemplate, so resolutely I “soldier” on determined not to let pain and fatigue get the better of me.
Now, I absolutely know that I am not unique, nor am I some kind of hero. I am just another warrior who has no alternative than to fight on. I know that for you reading this, you too are a warrior and committed to the battle. How do I know? Because if you were not a warrior, you definitely would not be on a website that looks to support healthy, positive life with chronic pain. You certainly wouldn’t be looking to empower yourself and search for answers if you were not determined and unwavering in your quest for better health.
We fight for our health everyday in ways that most people don’t understand.
For those of us battling chronic pain, it’s the little things that most people take for granted that make us strong. The effort to get moving. To get out of bed in the morning, even when it would be easier to stay there. Our determination to keep going when our whole body is crying out enough. The smiles we paint onto our faces mask the tears of pain and frustration.
Our abilities to resist the temptation to punch the doctor. You know the one, who tells us that we need to pull ourselves together and snap out of it. It’s the way that we hide our disappointment and sadness when friends and loved ones give us a wide berth for saying “no” one too many times. The relentless march to look normal when we are feeling anything but. It’s the keeping, keeping on when we are so exhausted we just want it all to stop.
The days when the last thing we want to do is be the victim, but our pain and fatigue overwhelms us anyway.
For all of these reasons and for many more, we ARE warriors. It is not some tag or label, it is truly our reality. Every day we go to war, engage in battle just to get through the day. We fight with everything we have, just for some normality. We stand strong in our unwavering support and acknowledgment of our fellow warriors. Knowing that nobody understands and lifts them up like another warrior. We are constantly on a quest for the smallest victories – holding down a job, attending a family wedding, a walk in the park, or just getting dressed.
To every warrior out there battling their chronic pain and fatigue, I salute you. I stand alongside you in your battle for health, wellness, and some sense of normality. Check out how I can support you by clicking this link.
For my birthday earlier this year, my husband bought me the CD from the Greatest Showman. He wanted me to hear the words from the song “This is me.” Today, I dedicate those words to you.
I opted to share this emotionally charged clip as opposed to the one from the actual show. She is scared but she did it anyway!! Enjoy her triumph and if you love the video as much as I do, drop a comment in the box below and let me know.
“We are Warriors, yeah, that’s what we’ll become.”
Today, I stepped back into a place I haven’t visited in a long time……One year to the day to be exact since I last ventured anywhere close. It wasn’t intentional or deliberate to visit on this day, it just kind of happened. It felt like taking a trip down memory lane. I was curious and I suppose I wanted to see if everything was still the same. Truth be told, it was and it wasn’t.
The surroundings were familiar enough, nothing much had changed but in a sense, everything had changed. I had changed. That seemed to make all the difference.
My last post here was on 3rd October 2018. 12 whole months since I had reached out to my fellow warriors with love and support. 365 days, that I haven’t had the confidence to write from the heart and reach out. 52 weeks of being in the wilderness and feeling disconnected from everything and everyone.
The truth is that I was struggling so bad myself that I felt that I had nothing to give you. How could I make things fantastic for those who came to get support and guidance? I couldn’t even help myself. So, I retreated. I let life happen to me whilst all the time trying desperately to distance myself from the mental and physical pain I was battling against.
One of my coping strategies, the love of writing fell by the wayside, and once that happened my outlet for expression went too. I bottled everything up inside, giving the appearance all was well in my world, whilst the reality was far from good.
All of my words of wisdom had dried up and I was just another chronic pain warrior, battling through each day with nothing new to share. No advice to give and no words of comfort.
As I logged on today, I read my last blog post and replayed over and over the video clip that I had attached to the post. It was then and still is today an incredibly powerful version of “This Is Me” from the film The Greatest Showman. As I listened, the words
“Another round of bullets hits my skin Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in.”
resonated so deep within me that I could have easily sunk to the ground with emotion. I had let shame get the better of me. I was ashamed to really share the struggle…..if I wasn’t Fibro Fantastic then I thought I had nothing anybody would want to hear.
But, recently I have been working so hard on authenticity.
Coming to terms with who I am, who I always was, and who I have become. Acknowledging that if people can’t deal with the real me, then there is no point in having them in my life. I wanted to send the imposter away and take the real Tracey by the hand and bring her out of hiding.
As I played the video clip Keala Settle’s voice wracked with emotion was like a light going on. It felt as though now, this was my anthem. My mantra. My shout out to the world that I make no apologies. – This is me!!
I am brave, I am bruised I am who I’m meant to be, this is me Look out ’cause here I come And I’m marching on to the beat I drum I’m not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me
To share my words and feelings from my heart feels like a huge release. I need an outlet for my journey, the one that has both physical and mental pain as passengers. It has been here all along – my blog, my corner of the virtual world. A place where people stand together, as members of an invisible club, where only we understand the rules.
Going forward, I don’t know the direction Fibro Fantastic Wellness Coaching will take, but I do know this will be as much about me as it is about you. I can’t help you if I can’t help me. So, for now, I feel that the blog will take on more of a journey feel. Letting you into my new world of struggle, despair, the battles, the highs, and the lows.
I am still Tracey the Wellness Coach, but I am also Tracey the fighter who is vulnerable and scared of the future, just like the rest of you. But I am home and for now, I will take that!
If you know me, then you know I call things I use to assist me when I have painful flare; cheaters! I don’t know why. Here are three of my cheaters just for you! Consider it an early Christmas Gift…
Hello,Tommy Copper! Why haven’t I tried this before?!?! Well, I have tried ‘other’ copper products. But. Tommy Copper, the brand name, is a must! I got the back belt first but was so thrilled with the results I added the leg and arm sleeves! This product isn’t about compression, just get the copper cloth as close to your skin as possible. This means under your clothes. Start slow, a few hours a day, and build. I felt relief within one minute after I put on the back brace. I had no back pain within seven days! I’m dead serious! (Yes, the pain comes back but to get an hour of relief, not to mention 8 to 10 hours in ONE DAY?!?! I’m sold!)
This product may not work for everyone! But for $20? It is worth a shot. The company states that these items are for those who are in pain but cannot ‘slow down to rest. Well, I got to put these on, rest, and run errands! Yahtzee! These come in black and also in (my favorite) camouflage! I put mine on, and I am sure I’m invisible, blending in with my surroundings!
I just cannot stress the importance of soaking in Epson salt. Put a cup of Epson salt into your bathwater. (At least soak your feet in Epson salt!) As I no longer have a bathtub at my disposal, I soak my feet in Epson Salt about three times a week. You can add essential oils! I did happen across Dr. Teal’s Epson salt, there are many kinds, infused with beautiful smelling essential oils. Get yourself some Epson Salt. It is so cheap and had such wonderful results! Calming, detoxifying, and great to do before trying to sleep.
I am not supposed to take NSAIDs (ibuprofen), but there are times that I do because recently, I was denied any access to my pain medication.(Yep. It happened, I knew it eventually would.) Hello, ibuprofen. When I was younger, in my early 20s, I suffered from bursitis in my right shoulder. Very painful! The doctor I was seeing told me I could take 800 mg of ibuprofen every six hours, and that was almost the equivalent of taking a pain pill. It works, folks.* Not great, but tamps down the stabbing, take your breath away, pain. Take your regular medication, supplement your pain management protocol with 800 mg of ibuprofen 2-3 times for one day. (Don’t do this for very long, maybe one to three days max.)
*Please check with your doctor before doing this. There are always risks and rewards with every medication you take! The pros and cons, according to your own body chemistry. I am NOT a doctor nor do I play one on TV! Talk to your medical professional.
There is a NEW cure for fibromyalgia plastered on FaceBook! Yep. They have done it! AGAIN! Another cure for us fibro sufferers, for crying out loud! It is about time!!! (Really?) Well, let’s talk about this…
Ok. There is a blood test called the FM/a to diagnose fibromyalgia. This is real. Your insurance, whatever that may be, will cover the cost of this blood test.
What does the FM/a test for? (Researcher-speak) This is a multi-biomarker-based test that analyzes your immune systems’ white blood cells’ chemokine and cytokine patterns. People with fibro have an irregular pattern regarding these proteins.
What does the FM/a test for?(Kim-speak) This test measures the proteins in your body that increase when you are ill. These proteins increase your white blood cell count considerably to fight the likes of the flu, mono, infection, etc… These measurements should prove to be erratic if you have fibromyalgia.
(Kim-speak) Do not rule out being tested for the FM/a test, just don’t be firstin case it’s a deciding factor in the treatment you are allowed to receive! (This is not a one-size-fits-all illness!)
The result in this proposed theory will be a cure for the incurable… AND (drumroll!) they have the ONLY cure!
Just what is this cure? It is the TB vaccine. Period. Will this work? I haven’t researched one case where it has worked. I have not studied one case where it has caused any harm. Go ahead and research the TB vaccine and see if you think it may hold promise for your ‘type’ of fibromyalgia. Go ahead and get the TB vaccine if you think it might work. Just ask your doctor to administer the TB vaccine. The cost is low, the vaccine is available. There is no need for such a cryptic message of a wonderous ‘cure!’I trust YOU to make the best decision for YOU!
Then the pain oozed into my jaw. This is when I learned about temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJ disorder). Persistent headaches became the norm. Thankfully, I have had only one crazy migraine that brought me to the hospital. Migraines are not cool, bro.
Stress shoved its way into depression and then full-blown anxiety.
Pain oozed into my lower back and hips. Cue for the frustrating adventure of going to specialist after specialist–none of whom could find the answer to my invisible aches and pains.
After a few weeks of digestion issues and my gastroenterologist reported that stress is impacting my digestion. Thankfully, my digestion issues did not persist enough for a diagnosis to be stamped on my stomach.
Restless leg syndrome. Aches and pains. Aches and pains. Falling asleep became an arduous undertaking. And it still is! Soreness and exhaustion travel to my wrists and fingers.
It’s not rheumatoid arthritis. It’s not Lupus. No diagnosis was yet discovered. My doctor printed out a detailed sheet of Hypochondria for me from Chronic Illness. And off he went to his next patient. No bedside manner.
Alone, confused, misunderstood, and in constant pain. I took a break from asking questions. And I saved a lot of Metrocard money from traveling to these “specialists.” Praying was different. My body and its pains were yelling for attention. “Heal me!” My mother, my aunts, uncles, my family in the Dominican Republic were all earnestly praying for my healing.
“Tenga fe. Dios te vas a sanar.” (Have faith. God will heal you.)
I didn’t have any faith. Before my aches and pains, I believed that I wasn’t good for anything. I was convinced that the domino effect of my aches and pains was God’s funny way of saying, “Since you don’t think you are good for anything, I will make sure you are no good for anything.”
I am managing with yoga, analgesic creams, TENS, and a few other devices and techniques that I am grateful for, but it’s a daily battle. My body, mind, and soul experience Jesus crucified as I re-offer my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings to his Sacred Heart.
