Cinta Louise: Something I wrote, its nothing special. But I thought it might help someone you love understand.
You’re forced to ride a horse,
But you’ve never ridden before.
You arent given any instructions aside from “hold on, kick forward” & “you’ll be fine”
You start the ride at a walk & tell yourself that you can do this,
time passes & you can feel your muscles starting to ache.
Your “trainer” makes you ride at a sitting trot in the next lesson,
You’re trying to keep your feet in the stirrups so you don’t fall.
Your trainer yells out “relax your leg muscles” “use your abdomen to take in the motion” you feel your body burning and you have a migraine but you keep trying to get it right.
The day after you are in so much pain.
Nothing seems to help.
There isn’t a spot on your body that doesn’t hurt.
You hardly slept last night, but you have another session with the trainer today.
You hate letting people down so you get dressed (which takes way longer then usual because every piece of clothing feels too tight as though its burning your body.)
You tell your trainer about the pain you’re in, they ask if you’ve twisted anything, broken a bone or have any bad bruises.
You say no & you get “well you aren’t dying just take a panadol & work hard so you don’t think about the pain” ..
You were forced to ride at a canter that day.
“Keep your body flexible” they yelled,
but your body was stiff.
“You’re in control, look where you want the horse to go” but you’re going too fast & now your eyes are blurry & you’re uncoordinated so how are you supposed to know where to go? What to do?
You wake up on the ground.
Your mind is foggy, you’re having trouble remembering what you were just doing.
You didn’t want to let the trainer down, you didn’t want to be unreliable, you pushed yourself to hard.
Now, look at it this way;
Your trainer is your doctor.
The doctor gave you no instructions because instructions guide you through something that will finish right?
Well their isn’t a successful finish for what you’re forced to live with.
That pain you felt on your first day.. I’m sorry but your now stuck with that pain for life.
Every appointment your doctor tells you to “keep moving forward” “push yourself harder” you swear you’re just a Guinea pig to them because they have no fucking idea how to help you, you just keep getting cheesy motivational catchphrases thrown at you along with medication that causes further problems to your body.
You had no visible evidence of pain so nobody believed you.
You don’t feel in control of your life because you’re in pain… all the time. Sometimes all over, sometimes its worse in certain areas.
Some days the pain lessens a little so you do all the lessons, exercises & complete the to-do list you have had sitting there for 2 weeks in this single day.
The next day, you flare up. You’re in agony, you can’t get out of bed & your brain is so foggy that you can’t remember what you did yesterday or maybe you cant put together the smallest of sentences without stuttering or forming a word.
You are forced to ride life with all of this, you’re forced to live in pain and you know that your good days often come with the consequences of a flare up the next day.
Guilt – losing friends – fatigue – insomnia – depression – grieving the life you can no longer live – isolation
These are few of the many side effects.
This is chronic illness;
This is Fibromyalgia.
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